One part of the Shabbaton that Shades didn't mention (see comments on his post for why) was the post-luncheon panel with the Chief Rebbetzin and First Lady. Dean Karen Bacon moderated, asking a list of (pre-approved) questions to each of the two women, and of course, moved along with funny comments from President Joel sitting on the sidelines. I'll try my best to remember all the questions and answers.
Before she began, Dean Bacon made a really great remark; The old saying "Behind every great man lies a great woman" isn't really true, at least according to the way Judaism views the powerful partnership that is marriage. A more correct statement would be, "Behind every great person is a great life partner." Both Dr. Joel and Lady Elaine are wonderful examples of this truth.
The first question was a basic rundown of each woman's professional background, and how that has changed since entering public roles with their husbands.
Dr. Joel, a practicing psychologist (who got her PhD. over ten years, while raising children!), is on the board at a health facility, and has always been very involved in community work, whether it be on the school board, an active member of shul committees, or part of the Chevra Kadisha. She made a really interesting and important point regarding communal work: If you want something to be done (in your child's school for instance), don't wait for someone else to do it. You should do it! Ever since her husband (formerly a lawyer) became president of YU, she had a new role; hostess to many public figures.
Lady Elaine is, by education, a radiographer (I guess the American equivalent would be a radiologist), who also writes book reviews for a Jewish journal. She is also extremely involved in the community, and that seems to now be her primary role as wife of the Chief Rabbi. She mentioned chessed, being involved with the high school girls on a personal basis, and the annual poetry contest and tea reception for children in the Jewish day schools. Like Dr. Joel, she also does a lot of entertaining and hosting of dignitaries (from many walks of life), and even royalty (such as the private dinner she and Rabbi Sacks had with Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, before they were married - smooth political move, anyone?).
"What would be one piece of advice you wished someone would have told you when you were in college/university?"
Both Lady Elaine and Dr. Joel answered "Enjoy it!" Don't take up time now worrying about the future - these are such great years of your life, so take advantage of it! (A cute story that Dean Bacon stuck in was how Stern's psych professor, Dr. Aharon Fried - a Munkacher Chassid - was asked the same question on a video for Stern. He answered by singing a line from Simon and Garfunkel's great song, "Feelin' Groovy": "Slow down, you move too fast/ You've got to make the morning last...")
Another question was something along the lines of, "What advice could you give to young women today who want to balance working and raising a Jewish family?"
Dr. Joel (a response that drew cheers from the female half of the crowd): "Guys, help out!" She also stressed the importance of prioritizing your time between family and work. Lady Elaine (I think it was in response to this question) spoke about how children learn most from examples in the home, more that anywhere else. The example she gave was that if tzedakah and chessed are priorities in your home, your children will copy that. So when prioritizing between work and family, keep that in mind as well.
What is the biggest problem facing the Jewish community today?
Lady Elaine said that she believed "outmarriage" (translation: intermarriage) and anti-Semitism are what she sees as the biggest problems. While the first is universally a concern, the second is probably more relevant to European Jewry than it is to American Jewry. Dr. Joel gravely said she believes diffidence is our biggest concern. She wasn't even talking about lack of discussion between Orthodox, Reform, and Conservative; she meant that lack of tolerance between the difference shades of Orthodoxy is what is ripping apart our community today.
What was the most interesting question you were ever asked?
Dr. Joel was once in Carvel, and she was paying with a check, and the high school kid behind the counter asked her if she was Billy Joel's mom. Mind you, Billy Joel is a bit older than Dr. Joel...
Rabbi and Lady Sack's daughter came to them after she got the ultrasound of her first child, asking if there was a bracha for such an occasion (the first time you see your child - up until then, Hashem was the only one who saw him/her). They said "She'hechiyanu."
The great part of this Shabbaton was seeing both the Sackses and Joels in a relaxed setting, getting to know them (a little bit), rather than merely seeing them as great, but distant, figures. Not only were the words of Torah and wisdom they gave us valuable, but the experience of being in their presence was just as enlightening. Both are strong couples living genuine, dedicated, passionate lives of Torah in the world-straddling communities we belong to, real example for how we should and can conduct our lives. I am personally very grateful to both the Joels and Sackses for sharing a Shabbos with the students at YU and Stern, and I'm sure anyone who was lucky enough to be there would agree.
I wish I could remember more, but my brain is shutting down. If any readers remember more, please add it in the comments!
3 comments:
A few notes: The "health facility" that Dr. Joel is a board member of is Montefiore Children's Hospital (which is associated with Einsterin, and thus YU). She's also more than a hostess - and really helps President Joel run YU (hostess just sounds a little demeaning, no offense intended).
President Joel also offered the joke about how Dr. Joel went home from Carvel's and ate the entire cake she just purchased.
President Joel attempted to offer the question which asked Lady Sacks and Dr. Joel to describe their roles as supports/psychologists of their husbands - and they declined to comment. Though a Stern student asked a similar question and was answered (forgot what was said). President Joel asked why his question was rejected and the student's was answered, to which his wife replied "Because she asked nicely."
Also Dr. Joel remarked how she has effectively retired from her career as a psychologist, and that she jokes that she now has one full time client: President Joel.
As a side note, I thought it was interesting that Lady Sacks had a different accent than her husband - which isn't so surprising since there is no uniform accent among the many regions in England.
They both mentioned that while they are definitely career women, their children always came first (despite Dr. Joel's remarks that she went to college in the era of feminism). Lady Sacks was particularly poignant about not wanting her children to be raised by daily, lengthy caretakers - and wanted to make sure she raised her children herself.
There were also two questions about relating to the State of Israel. The first answer (from both women) was that everyone should remain as connected as possible - visit often, and maintain that relationship with Israel. The second question wasn't so clear, and they didn't really answer it (probably because they also didn't understand it).
That's all remember at the moment. If I think of anything else, I'll add it. I've also linked this post on my blog where I just posted links to Rabbi Sacks' shiurim recordings on YUTorah.org
Great post, I really enjoyed reading it. It made me miss being in Stern for shabbos...I wish I had been there!
Just found your blog...really enjoying it!
Keep it up!
I'm really amazed with how well you remebered all the details from the Q and A. How do you do it?
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