I went to a fairly modern elementary Yeshiva day school, which was very Tzioni. We went all out with the blue-and-white shtick (clothing, cupcakes, decorations), dancing, Hallel as a whole school using Naomi Shemer tunes, etc. on Yom Ha'atzmaut. And me, being slightly nuts and more than happy to take every opportunity to dance and sing and demonstrate my (naive) love for the State of Israel, was typically one of the girls in the middle of the circle, steadily going hoarse, my bright red face clashing with the blue and white garb.
This mentality carried over to an all-girls' Yeshiva high school, which was also Tzioni, but in a more toned-down fashion, and definitely more in line with Religious Zionism (or as I like to say, "Tzioyni") than just stam Zionism. Yom Ha'atzmaut celebrations were mostly fueled by the students (rather than the administration), and Hallel (with or without a bracha) was optional, and said privately.
Then, during my year in seminary, things started to change. It was the first time I was in Eretz Yisrael for an extended period of time, and really learning to love the land for its kedusha. As I'm sure many of you can attest to, there is no clear, logical explanation for the love a Jew feels for the physical land of Eretz Yisrael, the landscapes, or the nature. I've seen some beautiful natural parks in America, and there I always thought "Mah rabu ma'asecha Hashem!" But nothing more. Only with Israel did I feel the same connection, comfort, and longing during this extended absence. For me, the only explanation is that due to its inherent kedusha, the "afra d'Eretz Yisrael" is so much more significant than that of any other country.
I was privileged to have some incredible teachers and rabbanim in my seminary who, although (most) were Charedim, did not ignore or mock Yom Ha'atzmaut. They emphasized and embodied the religious perspective towards the hoda'ah and celebration of the day. For them, it wasn't about "Hallel with a bracha/without a bracha" - it was about giving shevach (through Tehillim, or maybe Hallel) to Hakadosh Baruch Hu for the incredible nissim and gifts He gave us on the date we are commemorating. There was no much-debated question of "blue and white" clothing, because that wasn't related to the ikkar simchas hayom.
In a sense, I've shifted from my childish, Zionistic love of Medinat Yisrael to a place of deep-seated, Torah-driven longing for Eretz Hakadosh. Personally, I no longer need to wave a degel Yisrael or proudly wear blue and white to proclaim my love for Israel. It is a private, budding relationship that doesn't require any flashy, external indications.
So I went to (and very much enjoyed!) the shiurim for Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha'atzmaut, but I didn't go to the chagiga afterwards. (Granted, one of the main reasons was because I wasn't in the mood for a 'social scene'.) Which made me feel weird when I was sitting back in my dorm, because just 2 or 3 years ago, I would have without doubt been at the chagiga, wearing my flag as a cape and dancing up a storm with the rest of my friends. Yet, I no longer felt the need to do so. I'm not critical of that "shtick," honestly. It just doesn't do anything for me. But still, something felt off.
Then I wondered; am I being a frum snob? Do I look down on people who choose to celebrate Yom Ha'atzmaut like that? I certainly hope not, considering the nauseating hypocrite I would be if I did. It's not like I went around making snide remarks about those who do celebrate in such a fashion; I just didn't join in, because it's not how I felt I needed to express my feelings related to the chag. If that is how they celebrate, kol hakavod! I believe everyone should act as they deem fitting.
And yet, I got the impression from a close friend that I was being a bit "self-righteous." Which really bothered me, because what if it was true? Then, all the growth I thought I had in regards to ahavat ha'aretz was a farce. Which is a really scary thought... And if I am being a religious snob, how do I change that? Such a characteristic is fake frumkeit, and in my opinion, not worth anything.
I said Hallel this morning (without the bracha), took a break from homework to listen to C. Lanzbom a little (yes, I do hold that it's not assur to listen to music on Yom Ha'atzmaut), and ate schwarma for dinner (OK, I know, it was after shki'a...). And as I'm writing this, I feel like I'm justifying my extremely confused position. Do I really need to do that?
Is it being self-righteously "frum" to hold back from the typical celebrations, choosing only to participate in the ones that are more "Torah-centered"? (eg., Yom Iyun, tefillot).
To be quite honest, I have no conclusion. I'd love to hear readers' opinions. Thanks!
3 comments:
Don't worry, you're not alone. Not feeling the need to sing and dance doesn't mean you love Israel less, and it doesn't mean you're being self-righteous either. Especially not at a somewhat mixed chagiga, which I'm not a fan of anyway.
about the 'frum' part not sure. about being attracted to the parts which are Torah centric there is no shame in that. having the torah and halacha the center of your life is important.
One of things ive always felt about yom haatzmaus and the state is that even though i come from a more yeshiva(ish) background, i still feel proud at what jews have done to build a country, i still feel warm when i see the el al plane sitting on the tarmac all over the world, and still watch with tears the NBN flights arrive at ben gurion airport.
The truth is that even in the Yeshiva community, for the most part the argument about zionism is dead. everyone knows where each side stands and to argue an emotional topic where people have chosen their sides long before they thought about it is pointless. the only ones who care about zionism are the briskers.
I don't think it's so snobbish either. I went to the chagigah my first two years at YU - and honestly felt empty during and afterwards. It's a very different thing to be IN ISRAEL and singing and dancing with a band versus here in America where it's a "thing" and the religious element seems to have been sucked away and replaced by the more political demonstrative element of the holiday.
I wish I had been able to go to the shiurim and/or concert, but have been a bit under the weather - though I did hear the music from my dorm window...
Yom Ha'atma'ut is a paradox almost no matter what way you look at it, in many aspects. It's kind of funny (from my perspective) to see unshaven guys singing along with live music at the concerts - which is it, sefirah or a quasi-rabbinical festival? In some way, it's kind of nice to have both at once, but it's also confusing...
I still think I can only really experience the true essence of Yom Ha'atzma'ut in Israel, where it is far more real than the "armchair Zionism" of America, to borrow a term from the Rav.
And I'm glad my words could be a source of inspiration!
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