Aaaah, it’s that time of year. The seforim are piling up. The CD’s are neatly aligned. The “Ask Me About…” badges are doled out and proudly displayed by their owners. Welcome to “The Largest Seforim Sale in North America,” brought to you by the Yeshiva University Student Council (known affectionately by vegans as “SOY”). As far back as I can remember, my family has gone to the sale every year, stocking up on bar/bat mitzvah presents and tapes (only in the last few years did we switch over to CDs). I considered myself an old-timer at the Seforim Sale.
Little did I know that once you get your seemingly innocuous little YU ID (yes, that word that the security guards are always screaming at you), you must trade in any rights you have to independence, freedom, and privacy. From that moment on, until graduation or marriage (whichever comes first) you are slave to the incredibly small and electrically charged Social Scene that is Yeshiva University. No matter what social circle you run with in Stern, whenever you are taking the Uptown shuttle, people ask. For some, it’s a casual "Are you seeing such-and-such male? Say hi to him for me!” For others, it’s a sly look, a cocky, all-knowing smile, and a million thoughts running through the hearer’s brain.
So that’s why she looks so nice!
Again?
Research for Rabbi Cohen’s class? Yeah, right.
I wonder why she’s really going?
I fall into that social circle, which has spawned countless YU library jokes and snarky comments. (Here I have to admit that I’m guilty of having made my fair share of library remarks, often in jest, but jokes usually have some element of truth in them. Mea culpa.). What if there actually is a book there that I can’t find in the miniscule Stern library, and don’t have time to order it and wait for it to come to me? What if I was already Uptown babysitting for my nephew and decided to be responsible and go get some work done? What is I actually work better in the bigger, dignified, more college-esque library? What if I’m a closet bibliophile and simply need large amounts of volumes in my vicinity so as not to asphyxiate? The “what if”s could go on and on…
But the “what if”s don’t matter, because once you cross over whatever imaginary lines distinguishing Midtown from Uptown (somewhere between 59th and 155th - I Wikipediaed it), you’ll never live it down. There is always some ulterior motive for going over to the boys’ campus. Even if you haven’t entered the shidduch world, you can never have pure intentions. And if you have started shidduch dating, then you can never go for fear of those awkward situations of seeing the guy you said “no” to after two dates just last night.
Some girls avoid the problem by simply avoiding the Uptown campus like The Plague. It’s a great way of keeping one’s “reputation” spotless. It goes on the resume: she’s from a great seminary (take your pick of any pseudo-Beis Yaakov), going into speech therapy, and you’ve never seen her at the library. But if one chooses that tactic, she misses out on great things like shiurim, the Chanukah Concert (which I know people have not gone to simply to avoid the Scene), and yes, even what the library has to offer.
For those girls who want to be able to do things without fear of what everyone else will say or think (my ideal world!), the benefits of the Uptown campus are not a thing to be avoided. But that doesn’t mean they are unaware of what everyone is thinking. It makes no difference what your reasons are; once you’re there, you are seen, you may be talked about, you may be talked to. (Disregarding the occasional match that comes out of a gutsy guy going over to talk to a girl he finds attractive in the library - true story!) So with all that in mind, a girl doesn’t simply waltz onto the shuttle without looking in the mirror for a bit longer than usual.
Is that a normal thing to do? Is it too much? Is it being responsible? Is it being vain? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m not the only one who does it. Because yeah, I could say “I don’t care what other people think of me for going to do work in the library,” but in truth, I will still care, because I am now prey to the Social Scene.
I don’t know if it’s the same for guys, but it is my opinion that they definitely have less of a problem than the girls do. Unless they are coming to hang out in the Stern lobby, they have no real reason to come to the Beren Campus. But many programs, shiurim, and the like are on the Wilf Campus, so girls who have no desire to chill with guys are often Uptown, admittedly not always comfortably.
And if it is bad enough that I have to feel watched when I go to study or learn some Torah, no, it’s even more crazy when I simply want to get some discount seforim.
A few weeks ago, I was sitting at the Shabbos table with my two older sisters and two of their friends, all of them Stern alumni, discussing what seforim and CDs we were interested in getting at the upcoming Seforim Sale. So when I voiced my excitement, they laughed and warned me about which sections to browse, and which to avoid.
Chumash/Tanach - Safe, on all accounts.
English Mussar - A little fluffy, but a possibility. Demonstrates a sincere desire to grow.
Hebrew Mussar - Good! The fact that it’s in Hebrew means you are intelligent!
English Halacha - OK. Those “Daily Halacha” books show you are conscientious and want to be well-informed.
Hebrew Halacha - A bit harder to work out that one - yes, the Halacha aspect could be in your favor, but see “SHUT” for cons.
SHUT - No way. What frum girl wants to admit that she actually harbors a secret desire to sit in yeshiva all day?
Music - Totally fine, as long as you stay away from ‘weird’ things like Moshav Band or The Idan Raichel Project. Any Boys’ Choir is safe. You’re sitting on the fence with Mattisyahu. Gravitate towards Eitan Katz - that means you’ve got personality.
The Rav - Great! Shows you are frum, bright, and can handle a challenge! For extra points, throw out remarks like “I love the Rav’s discussion of ontic monism here!” or “The way Rav Soloveitchik states his thesis, antithesis, and synthesis here mamesh blows me away!” (The “mamesh” is optional…)
Shas - Not unless you’re with a chosson picking out his set (and at that point, who cares what others think!)
Apparently, once you get the plastic ID card, you have to be concerned about not only who you are seen with, where you are seen, but also what books you are seen with! Is this really the Largest Seforim Sale in North America, or the Largest Unofficial Singles' Event in North America? To make things easier, they should just have the YU Connects people floating around with badges that say "Ask me about him/her!"
I thought about it for a while. I was hopping back and forth between submission to the rules and rebellion against them. I realized the utter absurdity of the situation, yet the fact that it is unavoidable. And then I resolved that I just couldn’t handle the pressure and hype. I just wanted to buy some seforim! So I went.
It was exactly as I expected it to be. A huge social scene, with not enough room for men and women to walk around comfortably without having to worry about shomer negiah. I avoided some people, shmoozed with (female) friends, and got some weird pick-up lines disguised as comments about the seforim I was interested in/drooling over (“Who are you shopping for that you want an entire Rav Nevenzhal set?”). But I enjoyed myself, got some much-needed books and CDs for good prices, and caught a shiur. I’ve decided to try to not let the silliness of The System get to me.
OK, that’s not entirely true. As is always the story with the Social Scene, one’s senses are inexplicably heightened. And it's a pain in the tuchus, but what are you gonna do? The System can't be changed. This is just how it is. In any case, I’ll probably go back - I'd like to see the Maccabeats live, and there is still that C. Lanzbom CD on sale.
Plus, I have to go back to the Rav Nevenzhal set and see how many more 'remarks' I get.
